Let's face the facts - we're skint! We're skinter than a Channel 4 documentary about a council estate in Scunthorpe! We don't have the luxury to hand the new manager a transfer war chest of riches aplenty. If it all goes tits-up and we let the wrong man spend what little cash we have, we really could find ourselves in a tight spot.
So who do we get in? The debate on fans sites such as Toffeeweb and Blue Kipper has been intense and awash with suggestions as to who should lead our mighty club into the next era. Roberto Martinez? Vitor Pereira? Phil Neville? Janice the tea lady? There isn't one clear favourite to take the reins. All we know for sure is that we need a man who will unite the Gladys Street faithful. A man who would die for the royal blue cause. A man who is ingrained in the true meaning of nil satis nisi optimum.
And the more I think about it, the more I believe that man should be Duncan Ferguson! Hell, even our greatest manager of all time, Howard Kendall, backed Big Dunc earlier in the month. So what if he has no managerial experience, and so what if he was known as Duncan Disorderly because of his on-field and off-field antics, and so what if he doesn't win us the league (seriously, we all know that will never happen until we get our very own billionaire in charge of the club).
But just imagine the fun we would have along the way with Duncan in the dugout. So here are my top 10 reasons as to why the big man should be given a crack at the Everton job!
1. The man bleeds Everton
Here is a man who has permanently inked himself with the famous number 9 and our glorious latin motto nothing but the best is good enough. He knows what it means to pull on the Everton shirt, and he would sure as hell make sure every single player in that dressing room knew what it meant as well.
2. He loves beating Liverpool
If there was one thing about the David Moyes era that most Evertonian's are disappointed about, it's that our record against that lot from across the park was not great. But if one player loved beating Liverpool more than any other, it was Big Dunc! He stole our hearts with his towering header back in 1994, and not once was he on the losing side in his first eight outings against the Kopites. (Granted his record wasn't brilliant when he returned to the club after his brief spell at Newcastle, but we'll glaze over that fact...!)
In total Duncan scored 5 times in 19 outings against Liverpool (for Everton and Newcastle), and who wouldn't love to see the big man racing down the touchline, flashing that famous tattoo at the reds fans after he has lead Everton to victory in his first derby game as manager?
3. We need to get a choke hold on those clubs around us
Tottenham narrowly missed out on that final Champions League space by just one point, and we now must be aiming to close that gap. And who else better to frighten the life out of the team from North London than Duncan Ferguson. Picture the scene as the Spurs assistant manager, Stefan Freund, sees one of his footballing nightmares makes a return to White Hart Lane. Do you think he'd want to go toe-to-toe with Ferguson on the touchline over any contentious decisions?
4. He knows how to rattle the biggest team in the country
Manchester United are the biggest club in the land, perhaps even the world. But that doesn't mean anything to Big Dunc! Seven times Ferguson scored against the Red Devils - more than any other club he played against. If we are to make a serious push for those Champions League places then we need to make sure when we play big teams like United our players don't shrink and are up for the fight.
Ferguson's seventh and final career goal against United came back in 2005 in that famous 1-0 victory over Manchester United on a night when Goodison Park was rocking. Those three points would help the blues to go on and secure 4th spot that season and Champions League football for the first time in the clubs history.
5. He's Scottish, he's a striker, and his name is Ferguson!
Okay, we are talking about some huge boots to fill - especially for someone with no previous managerial experience - but we all know how good Scottish managers are (tick), we probably all agree that Moyes tended to lean towards the cautious and defensive side due to his playing days as a defender so why not give a striker (like Sir Alex was) a go this time (tick), and his name is Ferguson (tick!). That'll do for me.
6. He knows how important it is to keep Everton in the city
"During my time at Everton, Goodison Park came to feel like a second home, with the supporters of the club, and the people of the city becoming a second family to me. If you were to take Everton out of the City, I firmly believe the club could no longer call itself the 'People's Club' and I give my whole-hearted support to the campaign to keep Everton in the City."
7. He would not stand of any prima donna's
The modern footballer is rich, flash, and act like they are untouchable. As fans we hear countless tales of players acting up or throwing their weight around. A football manager needs to be able to control his players and make sure they toe the line.
You just have to listen to some of the tributes paid to Ferguson from his fellow playing-day pro's to know that he would instantly command respect. And for those who were brave (or stupid) enough to try and take him on, you just have to look at Jimmy Bullard's expression to know that it wouldn't be the best thing to do (or perhaps ask the two burglars who Ferguson tackled at his home in 2001)!
Long was quick to praise Big Dunc's input on the coaching ground for his form this season. "It is incredible to have Duncan Ferguson as a coach," Long said. "Working with him every day on the training field has really improved my game."
9. The fans already love him
Duncan Ferguson already enjoys a God-like status amongst the Goodison faithful, so the fans would be willing to afford him a bit more time to stamp his game plan on the club.The bond between fans and the team has always been a cornerstone to the clubs ethos, and bar David Moyes, our most successful managers have been ex-Evertonians.
Harry Catterick, Howard Kendall, and Joe Royle all brought trophies and success to Everton having previously played for the Toffees, and it is a proud tradition which would be fantastic to continue with should Duncan Ferguson be appointed boss.
10. We miss a true number 9
And who knows, there is a certain former Evertonian who is not very happy at his current club and just happens to not only be great friends with Big Dunc, but also worshiped him as a player. What a reunion that would be!
As a treat to all my fellow Evertonian's, you can download my debut comedy eBook The Drought for free by visiting this link and using the code WA65Y.