Sunday, 18 May 2014

Hugh Hefner... I salute you, we ALL salute you!

Hugh Hefner, Playboy, Playboy bunnies
Do I even need to write a God damn thing to explain why all of mankind needs to salute Mr Hugh Martson Hefner? I mean I know that a blog isn't much of a blog without words and stuff, but seriously this is Hugh Hefner - the man who brought us Playboy. Take a look at that picture on the left - does that not say all that needs to be said? After all, this is the man who has given us naked pictures of our favourite celebrities. The man who has given all of mankind the ambition to strive for an invite to a Playboy mansion party. The man who lives the damn dream!

I'm not too sure what else needs to be said. Really? You still need more convncing? Okay, how about this then - Pamela Anderson, Kelly Brook, Kim Kardashian, Kim Basinger, Marylin Monroe, practically every single actress who ever appeared on Baywatch (apart from Alexandra Paul - nobody wants to see that), Tia Carrere, Naomi Campbell - the list is endless. All naked, all on the pages of Playboy, all now readily available to search for on the internet if you are ever having one of those lonely nights.

Hugh Hefner, Girld of the Playboy Mansion, Girlfriends, Playboy
Still not good enough for you? How about the fact that not only did he live with three busy peroxide blonde glamour models but he made a bloody show about it that our girlfriends wanted to watch! If that isn't genius enough then I don't know what is!

And having three girlfriends at the same time isn't even a big deal for Hef. He has had up to as many as 7, 8, 9, 10 - probably 100s - girlfriends on the go at any one time! Only last year Hefner said in an interview with the Daily Mail that he'd slept with over 1,000 women! I don't think I have even met a 1,000 women in my life let alone slept with them!

Why are you shaking your head? Oh for crying out loud you are hard to please! Okay, check this out. The Playboy mansion is the ultimate lad palace. It has 22 rooms, including a games room and a movie theatre, not to mention a swimming pool that if it could talk would tell you some amazing stories about the likes of John Lennon, Jack Nicholson and Leonardo di Caprio, to mention but a few.

Playboy, Playboy Mansion Party, Golden Ticket, Hugh Hefner
There isn't a man alive who wouldn't want to be invited to one of Hef's legendary parties. Actor Luke Wilson was so devastated when he was banned for a year from attending the mansion soirée (for trying to pass himself off as his older and more successful brother Owen) that he admitted making a tearful plea to the Playboy secretary to apologise! You can't blame the man - I have made several tearful phone calls myself in an attempt to plead my case as to why I should be invited! Please Hef, if you're reading this - I've been a good boy! I deserve this. I need this! All I ask for is one invite before I die! Otherwise the closest I fear I'll ever get to the Playboy Mansion will be playing Grand Theft Auto 5 (yes, it actually makes an appearance in the game!).

Quite simply, it is near damn impossible to not respect a man who started with a small investment of $8,000 and built it into a multi-million global business which is loved by red-blooded males across the world. Even now in his late 80s I would still like nothing more that to swap bodies with Hefner for just 24 hours. Heck, even half an hour would do me! And for that reason there really is only one thing left to say...

Hugh Hefner... I salute you, we ALL salute you!

I salute you, we ALL salute you!

Monday, 5 May 2014

The top 10 reasons why you SHOULDN'T wear Google Glass

There is no doubt that those smart cookies over at Google are revolutionising the digital tech space at the moment and quickly taking over the world in the process. Take Google Glass for example, one of their most exciting developments this year. The wearable computer eye-wear is a look into the future (yes, the pun was intentional) and makes films like Total Recall seem like they could become reality, which is pretty cool seeing as I'm a firm supporter of more triple-breasted women in the office.

Yep, tech geeks are taking over the world alright. Remember that nerd you used to sit next to in class? Chances are you are working for that kid now. But the good news for all us half-wits who could only dream of creating something as remarkable as Google Glass is what those nerds have in brains they still lack in style. But that is all set to change as Google Glass announced a couple of months ago that there were working with Ray Ban and Oakley to address that situation.

But before they do, let us take this chance to laugh at those tech geeks one last time with the top 10 reasons why you SHOULDN'T wear Google Glass:

10. You will look like an asshole
It can't be helped. If you walk down the high street wearing these, you deserve to be judged.


Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

9. Seriously, who really wants to look like this?
Let's face it, would you rather be Han Solo or Geordi La Forge?

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Star Trek, Geordi La Forge, Star Trek Next Generation, Star Trek Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

8. Okay, Trekkies want to look like this...
... but that certainly does not make it right!

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Star Trek, Trekkies, Star Trek Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

7. But Harry Potter wears glasses and he's cool!
Yes, but who got to shag Hermione? That's right Ron. She chose a ginger over glasses.

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny, Harry Potter

6. Google Glass can help with things like breastfeeding
I don't know why and I don't care. This picture is just weird.

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

5. You are leaving yourself open to attacks
Friday night, 12 beers later... you know it will happen!


Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

4. You think it looks bad now...
...imagine what will happen when they start bringing out accessories!


Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

3. No matter what Ray Ban or Oakley bring to the table...
...you will never look as cool as Arnie in The Terminator

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

2. In fact, you won't look cool period!
Nope, the best you can hope for is looking like this guy and who the hell wants that?!

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,

1. Google Glass has banned porn
So it kinda begs the question what is the point if you can't look at naked chicks on the move?!

Google Glass, Google Glass Meme, why you shouldn't wear Google Glass, Google Glass Stupid, Google Glass funny,